Tesco (or 14 things you should do ....)

Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping so the moral of this story is not to take us shopping!

This letter was actually sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford :

Dear Mrs. Murray, Whilst we would like to thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.

Below is a list of his actions over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calorgas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

8.. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. October 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.

10. November 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the Mission Impossible' theme.

11.November 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna look' using different size funnels.

12. November 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled' PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'

13. November 21: When an announcement came over the loudspeaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.' And; last, but not least:

14. November 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.

SOMEONE ELSE

For any club it is not uncommon to have a shortage of members to see events through and the following might be of interest/use:

"We were saddened to learn of the death of one of the committee's most valuable members - Someone Else. His passing creates a vacancy that will be hard to fill since Someone Else had been with the Committee from the beginning and did far more than the normal share of the work.

Whenever there was a job to do, a helping hand needed or just an ear required the words on everybody's lips were "Someone Else will do it". Whenever there was need for volunteers everybody assumed that "Someone Else will volunteer".

Someone Else was a wonderful person, indeed sometimes appearing super-human. But a person can only do so much. And, were the truth known, everyone expected too much of Someone Else."

THINK ABOUT IT !!